Xander The Millionaire
by Britt Britt
Summary: Live! From L.A. Who Wants To Be A Millionaire with your host Regis Philburn. Watch and see if Alexander Harris wins the BIG MILLION. Brought to you by fanfic.net and Ethan's Band Candy, makes you feel sixteen again!


Title- Xander the Millionaire  
  
Author- Britt Britt  
  
Disclaimer- Nothing belongs to me, damn.  
  
Rating- PG-13, just in case.  
  
Summary- Live! From L.A. Who Wants To Be A Millionaire with your host Regis Philburn. Watch and see if Alexander Harris wins the BIG MILLION. Brought to you by fanfic.net and Ethan's Band Candy, makes you feel sixteen again!  
  
Notes- This is set during the beginning of season 6. I don't know much about the show Who Wants To Be A Millionaire so give me a break please. Let me warn you Regis fans before hand, I don't bash him or anything, but kinda give him a bad image. Enjoy.  
  
"Come on, Buffy. It's going to start," urged Dawn.  
  
"I'm coming, I'm coming," Buffy mumbled.  
  
Willow, Tara, and Spike were already sitting on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn.  
  
Dawn turned on the television just as the show they were waiting for started. Words appeared on the screen that read 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.'  
  
"Yay!" Dawn cheered.  
  
The camera set on the host, Regis Philburn. "Welcome everyone to another wonderful edition of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire." The audience cheered. "I'm sitting here with young Alexander Harris, or Xander as he likes to be called, who was on our last show and won a hefty amount of money, which only god knows how. How ya feeling today Xander?"  
  
Xander sat across from Regis looking extremely nervous. "Gu, gu, gu, fine," he stuttered.  
  
"Young Xander here is three questions away from one million dollars! But no pressure, right Xander my boy?"  
  
"Ha, yeah," Xander answered shifting in his seat.  
  
"Now, Xander tell us a little about yourself again. You work as a..."  
  
"Construction worker," Xander finished for him. "I, I live in, in, um, wait give me a minute, I'll remember..."  
  
"Sunnydale, Sunnydale," Dawn nearly shouted at the television.  
  
"Sunnydale," Xander exclaimed remembering. "I live in Sunnydale, California and I'm getting married to my girlfriend, Anya."  
  
"And she's here, yes?"  
  
"Yeah, over there," Xander said pointing to her in the audience, "holding the sign."  
  
The camera showed Anya holding a sign that read 'Magic Box. For all your cursing needs.' She could be heard yelling, "Go Xander! Win lots of money so you can buy me pretty things. If you win, we can have sex above the covers."  
  
"Charming." Regis said sarcastically as Xander blushed furiously. "Okay Xander, are you ready? You're three questions away from a million dollars and you have ane life line left."  
  
"I'm ready," Xander said a little more confidently.  
  
"Okay first question," he looked down at the card. "Oh and it's a hard one. Are you ready?"  
  
"Yeah," Xander answered back.  
  
"Are you suurre?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Are you positive?"  
  
"Yes," he answered a little annoyed.  
  
"Are you absolutely, positively..."  
  
"Just give me the question," ordered Xander, raising his voice slightly.  
  
"Calm down, Mr. Harris, I know your very excited, but there's no reason to raise our voices."  
  
"I'm calm, I'm calm," Xander assured him.  
  
"Okay then, first question. On which Indonesian island is the site of Borbodur? A) Java B) Sumatra C) Sulawesi D) Bali."  
"Oh, oh, I know this, I know this. I remember An telling me about it. She went there on a veng... cation, vacation," he caught himself before he gave anything away. "A vacation with, with her parents."  
  
"Well then," Regis urged  
  
"Right, it's B. Sumama."  
  
"Sumatra," Regis corrected him.  
  
"Oh right, Xander laughed. "Sututu."  
  
"Oh boy, how'd he ever make it this far," Regis muttered. "Alright B. Final answer?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes," Xander answered tiredly.  
  
"Just making sure you're sure. Are you sure?"  
  
"YES."  
  
"Okay, for twenty-five thousand dollars... You... are... CORRECT!"  
  
Anya gave a squeal of delight just as Xander did, only or more feminine squeal.  
  
"Wow," Regis continued, "you got that question correct, which means one of three things; you're cheating, which my producers say is impossible; you're actually very intelligent; or the world's coming to an end. So after the show I better pack up and find a nice bomb shelter to stay in."  
  
"Ha," Spike laughed. Everyone gave him a glare which he addressed to with an innocent look.  
  
"That was mean," Willow pouted.  
  
"Yeah," Buffy agreed, "I thought we were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, not The Weakest Link."  
  
"Speaking of which, there's a new Touched By An Angel. Come on now, change the channel," Spike insisted. "It's better than watching this bloke," he pointed to the screen, "lose a shot at a million dollars."  
  
"No!" everyone yelled.  
  
"Touched By An Angel?" Tara questioned.  
  
"Fine," Spike said getting up, "I'll watch it at my place."  
  
When he left Tara questioned again, "Touched By An Angel?"  
  
"Shhh," Dawn whispered.  
  
"Next question. You are just two questions away from one million dollars, now. Here's the next question, for fifty thousand dollars. Just take a second to think really hard about it. Fifty thousand dollars. FIFTY thousand dollars. Cincuenta pesos. Vijftig geld. Fe..."  
  
"Okay!" Xander exclaimed. "I get it. What's the question?"  
  
"Second question, for fifty thousand dollars," he added quickly. Xander squirmed in his seat. "To whom did Shakespeare dedicate his long narrative poems 'Venus' and 'The Rape of Lucrece?' A) Queen Elizabeth B) Sir Walter Raleigh C) Walter Herber, Earl of Pembroke D) Henry Wriothesley."  
  
"Um, wow, that's a tough one, uh, I think I'm going to use a life line."  
  
"Alright, you're going to phone a friend. Who are you calling?"  
  
"I think I'm going to call Wesley. He's really smart."  
  
"Okay, AT&T get Wesley on the phone."  
  
"Hello," Wesley answered.  
  
"Yes, Mr. Wesley, I'm here with your friend Alexander Harris,,,"  
  
"Who?' Wesley asked.  
  
"Alexander Harris," Regis tried to clarify. "Xander.... The slow one."  
  
"Ah yes, Xander."  
  
"Uh-huh, and he needs help, no surprise there, on a Shakespeare question for fifty thousand dollars."  
  
"Wow," Wesley remarked.  
  
"Wow indeed. Okay, thirty seconds on the clock. Take it away Mr. Harris."  
  
"Alright, Wesley, who did Shakespeare dedicate the poems 'Venus' and 'The Rape of Lucrece' to. A) Queen Elizabeth, B) Sir Walter Raleigh, C) William Herbert, or D) Henry Wriothesley?"  
  
"Hmm, Venus and The Rape of Lucrece..." Wesley pondered.  
  
"Give me that, you prat," Giles' voice demanded from the background.  
  
"Hey!" Wesley protested.  
  
Shuffling was heard then Giles' voice sounded, "D! D! You ungrateful little... D! Why did you call Wesley, when I'm here?!"  
  
"Giles? I, I..." Xander began.  
  
"Oh never mind, D!" Giles ranted one more time before the line went dead..  
  
"Well, are you going with your crazy friend's answer?" Regis asked.  
  
"I, I think I will. Giles is pretty smart too," he could just visualize Giles yelling at the tv, 'PRETTY SMART?!' "Yeah, I'll go with D. Final answer.  
  
"Final answer?" Regis questioned.  
  
"Yes," Xander said looking annoyed, "like I said."  
  
"Okay, D, final answer, for fifty thousand dollars. Your answer is D... well, I'm sorry Mr. Harris, because you just won FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS!"  
  
"Yes!" Xander jumped in his seat.  
  
"We'll be right back after these commercial breaks."  
  
Somewhere around the third commercial, the cheering in the slayer's living room died down.  
  
"Wow!" Willow cried, "Xander could actually win this."  
  
"Or fail miserably like he does at everything," Buffy added.  
  
"Yeah that too," Willow agreed. "I offered to do a spell, but he wouldn't have it."  
"I, I think he, he'll win," Tara said quietly.  
  
"Depends on the question," Buffy responded. "Xander's not exactly a genius when it comes to literature... and history, and math, and..."  
  
"Oh, it's starting!" Willow interrupted the list.  
  
"And we're back. I'm with lucky, VERY lucky, Xander Harris who is one question away from one MILLION DOLLARS! How ya holding up Xander?"  
  
"I'm good."  
  
"Are you sure? You look a little pale and you're sweating like a pig."  
  
"Yeah, I guess that happens when you're playing for a million."  
  
"Okay, Mr. Harris, you need to answer this question correctly for..."  
  
"One million dollars," Xander interrupted, "I know, I know."  
  
"Just making sure you remember."  
  
"Trust me, I won't forget."  
  
"Fine, then it will be no problem for you to remember that if you miss this question you will go home with only twenty thousand dollars..."  
  
"Well, twenty thousand is a lot of money," Xander assured more to himself.  
  
"Not in this business, kid. And," Regis continued, "you have all of America watching you, judging you. You could be deemed as one of the smartest people in America or the biggest loser in history. All your family and friends watching from your one-starbucks town. I bet your parents wouldn't be too happy if you lost all that..."  
  
"Give me the damn question," Xander said through clenched teeth.  
  
The rude host took the hint and proceeded with the show, "Your question for a shit-load of money." He paused to read the question to himself first. "Oh I don't believe this!" he said aloud. "What were the idiots, who came up with this lame question, smoking at the time."  
  
"What? What?" Xander asked frantically.  
  
"Do I really have to give this question?" he asked turning to the camera guy, who shrugged. "I mean really. A question like this for one million dollars. Hmp, fine. Jesus Christ... Your question," he sighed before continuing. "What popular kids show features a yellow pocket monster named Pikachu. A) The Simpsons B) Tiny Toons C) Pokemon D) Mr. Roger's Neighborhood."  
  
Xander's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as did everyone else's, who was watching, did.  
  
Dawn choked on some popcorn, "No way."  
  
"Are you serious?" Xander asked in disbelief.  
  
"Yes," Regis muttered.  
  
"That would be C. Pokemon. Final answer," Xander answered as confidently as he had ever been.  
  
Without question Regis said joylessly, "Correct, one million dollars. Here." He tossed a check to Xander as balloons and confetti fell, then walked away.  
  
"Yay!" Anya exclaimed as she ran down the stairs to join Xander.  
  
"Yeah!" Xander bellowed as he did a little dance and started singing, "I'm smart, I'm smart!"  
  
Anya snatched the check from him and started prancing around too.  
  
Back in Sunnydale, the slayer's house nearly collapsed.  
  
"HE DID IT! HE DID IT!" Willow screamed, jumping up and down while holding Tara's hands.  
  
"OH MY GOD!" Buffy cried.  
  
"Oh brother," Regis scowled backstage.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Come on," Spike growled banging on the broken down television in his dark crypt. "You stupid piece of... There it is," he said as the reception started clearing up.  
  
The screen shone with the Sunnydale nightly news. "This is Chuck Cunnington with the ten o'clock news." Spike sat down and lit a cigarette. "Our top story, local man, Alexander Harris, won one million dollars on the popular game show Who Wants To Be A Millionaire."  
  
A shot of Xander celebrating with Anya appeared on the screen. Spike stared wide eyed and mouth agape. His cigarette slowly dropped of his mouth and fell on his lap. Just as Spike started coming back down to earth from the shock he had received, he got the whiff of something burning.  
  
"What is that sm..." just then he looked down at the cigarette now burning his leg. "Oww! Oww!" he shouted, getting up and running around his crypt like a maniac.  
  
When the pain subsided, Spike looked down at his pants which bared a huge hole in them, "Damn, I liked these pants." Spike turned off the tv and headed to his wardrobe muttering to himself, "I can't believe that, that... dolt! Won a million big ones. What next, Red turning evil and trying to destroy the world? Ha!"  
  
~The End~ 


End file.
